I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
