I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
