dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
