Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
