Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
