I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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