the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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