I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
