Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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