So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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