The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
