Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
