Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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