I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
