I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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