I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
