dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
