Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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