Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
