i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
