can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
