I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
