I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
