i just had sex bonerless
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
