i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
