If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
