i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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