just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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