Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
