I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
