Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
