the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
