im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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