I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
