Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
