I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
