Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
