I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
