i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
