if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh god the rape fog is back!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
