we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
