She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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