2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You pole danced in your parka.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
