no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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