I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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