where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
