i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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