just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
