No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
