that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
