If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
