Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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